by Rebecca Ortiz
While the summer is getting close to bidding us adios, the drama in Tinseltown stops for no season! The stories surrounding the untimely death of Michael Jackson have fizzled a bit, but it’s far from closure! The rest have made their seasonal headlines by getting into nonsense (instead of a leading role) and ending up with a big fat wah-wah…instead of the “star status” they crave!
-First, some Michael Jackson cliff notes: Michael’s three children were legally placed in the care of his mother Katherine. The results of his autopsy are back, but NOT being revealed?! WTF?! His Doctor Conrad Murray has been arrested and is facing manslaughter charges. PS – he still hasn’t been buried!
As for a tribute concert and movie, there are many things said to be “in the works,” but nothing has been confirmed. The A&E channel was in talks with the Jackson brothers about shooting a 1-hour reality show pilot, with the intentions of reuniting them with Michael for some kind of concert, but Mike never agreed to it. Sources say that the deal hasn’t been pulled off the table despite circumstances.
Interesting news though is that several pieces of MJ’s memorabilia, being intended to be sold in auction to pay off his debts, have gone missing! I’m not talking t-shirts or pics – try things like 60 unreleased master tapes that contained never heard tracks! Some of the items were also things that were supposed to be returned to Mike! The items were allegedly under the care of his lawyer Henry Vaccaro, and being kept in a Las Vegas storage unit that was “broken in to.” Suuuuure it was! Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a good chunk of MJ’s debt is to lawyers! I’m not saying he did it, I’m just saying let’s see if he’s selling things on eBay ok? While we’re at it I’d check on Joe and Latoya Jackson too!
-Speaking of my 2nd to least favorite Jackson, Latoya, she was rumored to be part of the new cast of “Dancing with the Stars,” but big fat wah-wah for her! She didn’t make the cut! The season premiere is on ABC on September 21st and is painful as ever! Some of the more familiar names include: Donny Osmond, Melissa Joan Hart, Mya (who is my pick), Aaron Carter, and Kelly Osbourne. To see the whole list check out www.abc.com .
-Someone else who was rumored to be joining the DWTS cast was former “America Idol” judge Paula Abdul! Yes, I said FORMER! So let’s start there!
With Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowel getting double digit million dollar salaries, Paula decided to play hard ball with producers threatening to walk if they didn’t up her $4 million/yr to $10 million – and needless to say she got struck out! Wah-wah Paula! When word got out that she might be leaving though, she was offered guest spots on shows like, “So You Think You Can Dance” (run by former Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe) and she even tried to come up with her own concept which didn’t pan out. Sources said that Paula was in talks with DWTS and wouldn’t negotiate with AI because she was holding out for that, and since it didn’t work out, now she wants back on Idol! Paula’s reps say it’s not true. I personally think it was planned the whole time. I mean HELLO? Kara DioGuardi? She was brought in so Paula could bounce. I do think Paula wanted to stay, but a massive cast change like that only happens when stuff hits the fan and let’s be honest – Paula can barely get both eyes looking at the camera at the same time. This was planned. Paula’s seat will now be filled with a rotating guest judge. Mary J. Blige, Victoria Beckham, Shania Twain, and Katy Perry are a few of the guests who have filled in during the auditions thus far. The new season of American Idol starts on Tuesday, January 8th, 2010. Notice how Randy Jackson is never mentioned?! Poor Randy! Wah-wah for you too dog!
- While it pains me to even mention these 2 idiots, it’s EVERYWHERE: Jon and Kate Plus 8! Jon is having some mid-life crisis dating a bunch of women with daddy issues, while Kate has command of their army of children. He’s also doing some crap with Steve Hardy (the official clothing line of Douchebags) and is now demanding his own reality show! Good luck with that! I’m almost starting to see why Kate was such a rag to him.
-Oprah is getting sued for $1.2 trillion. Yes, you read the title correctly. Author Damon Lloyd Goffe claims Oprah published pieces of his work, ‘A Tome of Poetry,’ but referred to it as ‘Pieces of My Soul’ on her website, and then went on to sell 650 million copies of it. The books sold for $20/each = $1.2 trillion…and he wants it. Suing Oprah is like suing Jesus! You don’t do that! I’m pretty sure it’s in the Bible too. Oprah’s got better things to do then steal someone else’s crappy poetry.
-In more Oprah news, Whitney Houston is starting her musical comeback (sin Bobby Brown) on Oprah. This will be her first T.V. appearance in 7 years. (and it will be Oprah’s 24th season opener) Whitney’s new album, “I Look To You” drops on Aug. 31st.
-Other starters, “The Jay Leno Show” will debut on NBC September 14th! Jay’s guests will be Jerry Seinfeld, and musical guests Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Kanye West. All those names in one sentence already smashed his ratings competition!
-Last but definitely not least, Jessica Simpson got banned from Tony Romo’s gated community! Apparently, Tony left strict instructions with the guards in his Dallas gated community that Jess was NOT allowed in under any circumstances! Sources say there was even a sign that was visible from the guard shack that read, “Red Alert! Tony Romo has made some changes to the list of people allowed in. Jessica Simpson is no longer on the list and not approved for access.” LOL! You know she had to do something crazy to get banned like that! I would LOVE to know what!! Poor Jess! She gets biggest wah-wah of all!
